Just so everyone knows. I am John Titor, but not the same one you all know and love. I am from a different alternate timeline and I have been sent back to discover the secrets of The Colonel's secret recipe. Ever since the war we have been unable to make contact with anyone from the resistance with knowledge of the secret so I have been sent back to learn it any possible way. I have an interview Monday with a man calling himself a "manager" that claims if I pass a drug test and a series of questions to test my worth he may show me the secret blend.
Once that is done I will need to find a matchstick, proton pack, toaster, and a device called an Ipod nano 2nd generation then I will be able to create the quantum event needed to send me home. The Ipod must has the song "Ziggy Stardust" in the playlist or who knows where I might end up...